The Ride is Slowing Down...and I'm Jumping Off!

Beta #1: 61

Beta #2: 292

Positive.

Could it be my time to get off of this horrible ride ?

This ride made me a stronger woman. I'll never stop praying for something that I think about every single day. When there is something I want, I will never stop fighting for it....no matter how hopeless it may seem.

Five Days After

Today makes the fifth day since transfer. I'm feeling great! I'm staying positive and optimistic this time. I'm not feeling different really. I am having some twinges, tugs, and fullness here and there. It's hard not to be overly sensitive about every little feeling!

Immediately after Dr. S. transferred our two embryos, I felt some mild crampy twinges. They continued through the rest of Tuesday night and Wednesday off and on. Then, the tugs started. Hopefully, it was the embryos snuggling in!!! Oh, I hope so. The crampy twinges are still happening. I felt bloated most of yesterday, then last night, the heaviness/fullness/pressure started in my lower pelvis. That heaviness continued all night and has continued all day today. And I love it.

I almost took a home pregnancy test this morning because I thought it would be so amazing to give a positive test to K for Fathers Day. But, I talked myself out of it. I think it's way too early anyway, and a negative outcome would be discouraging to me at this point, even though I'm ready for whatever comes my way on Friday. K keeps asking me "how his little babies are doing," and today, Mom washed every bit of my dirty laundry! What a treat!!! Our washer went out a week today, so needless to say, I had a BIG PILE. She is the laundry queen! My new washer/dryer set will be here Friday afternoon. J is excited too and is looking forward to the big test on Friday.

This is going to be a long week.

Things People Say

I consider myself pretty tough. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time, especially when it comes to comments about being pregnant, getting pregnant, infertility, etc. I don't know if these injections are interferring with my tolerance level or what, which is one reason I've been more private this time with our treatment. I believe whole-heartedly that people mean well the majority of the time. And also, there is a big part of me that wants to be transparent about everything and share my joy with others. However, there is also a place in my spirit, especially lately, that has just had enough of people's opinions and useless lines regarding pregnancy.

Today, I was having a conversation with a friend about our upcoming transfer. It just so happens this friend and her husband are about to start trying for baby #2. How lovely! Do people really do that? PLAN when to have sex so they will conceive? What's that like? I don't think my husband and I even relate sex and having a baby anymore. Have sex to have a baby? Who does that?

Anyway, the subject of the hot summer came up, and she made the statement that if it didn't happen immediately in July or August, they would just have to stop trying until her pregnancy wouldn't fall within the hottest summer months. How convenient. No worries about aging eggs or worrying about using all of your vacation time or making up work hours or the busy times of the month because there will be countless trips out of town for blood draws, ultrasounds, etc. They will just stop trying until it's more convenient. All of a sudden, I found myself sitting there with my throbbing and knotted Progesterone hip saying "well, I just pray it all works out exactly the way you want it....and I pray you never have to go thru HELL and back to get pregnant because this is no cake walk, especially these shots."

Then she said THIS.

"Well, you have to go through a certain amount of that when you actually have the baby anyway, ya know? Those epiderals are no fun."

What could I even say to that? Seriously?!

Transfer scheduled

We are looking forward to our transfer! It will be Tuesday @ 1:30.

Tuesday's appointment went great. My lining was at a 13, which is excellent, and my E2 level was at 720. Dr S. was happy with those numbers.

I also got to meet up with one of my sweet bloggie friends, Deni from Foxy Troxies. We had the best time talking about IVF, our fur babies, and little Miss Cala Faye, who I can't wait to meet. Deni is a ray of sunshine, and I feel like we've been friends forever. Meeting her was the highlight of my day.

We'll be staying in Dallas after the transfer so I can relax and let those two little embies snuggle in!

I can't wait to be PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise.)

Right now, I'm taking 100 mls of Progesterone every night, a steroid pill in the morning, an antibiotic morning and night, and a prenatal vitamin.

And just as a random thought, if I hear one more pregnant person on my Facebook complain about the heat, I might just smack them with a sandwich....after I invite them over to share in the luxury of a Progesterone shot in the rear.

Over and out!

What's New With Us

Hi bloggie friends!

It's hard to believe summer 2011 is here already! The south Arkansas heat is here, and I'm already extra thankful for my air conditioning!

J is so glad to be finished with 8th grade, and he isn't hesitating rubbing in the fact that he doesn't have to get up early for three months. He's had a good first year at his new school, and we're happy. It's so hard to believe the sweet, short 8-year old I met almost six years ago now is as tall as his Dad. Freshman year and driver's permit are just around the corner.

K started online classes last month. He's pursuing a bachelor's degree in Electronic Engineering Technology. The entire program is online. So far, he loves it. I admire him for his dedication, as I'm not sure I could focus. But, he's doing great and has all A's. Smarty pants. In addition to his new college endeavor, he's still working long, odd hours at work. I miss him.

We are in the process of trying IVF again with our Dallas clinic. I'm on my third week of Lupron injections, which are giving me headaches daily that hurt just enough to be annoying. There is a story behind our cycle this time....a very special one. We were donated seven frozen embryos by an anonymous couple at our clinic. Our embryo transfer will be June 13 - 16. This is a true miracle for us. Because of my poor egg quality issue, our chance of success using my eggs not good. Neither of our insurances touched egg donor, which is the plan our RE suggested. I began looking into embryo donation (and even posted a blog post about it,) and K and I just felt like this could be exactly for us. We had no idea how to go about finding embryos, whether to go through an agency, or what; so on a whim, I decided to talk to my RE. To make a long story short, ,my RE's office called with the news about finding us a donor only three days after we inquired. The news came along at the perfect time, and we both knew God was leading us to do this. We thank God for this amazing opportunity! We are so excited!

Our house is finally finished!!! I plan on posting pictures soon! It's been nice to clear out construction clutter and wipe sheet rock dust off of furniture for the LAST TIME. Today, I cleaned out the room that will be our baby's room.

An Absentee Blogger!

Hi blog friends!

Just wanted to check in and say "I'm here!" We're staying so busy these days, and I'm guilty of being a terrible blogger. I have been reading blogs and commenting when time allows me. I've even picked up a few more favorites, and I've added some of those links to my home page.

I've actually started a new blog, and I'm going to share it soon, but not just yet. We have something very exciting going on, and I'm so eager to share. I will be sharing soon, so stay tuned!

Loves to all.

Embryo Donation

Hello blog pals! It's hard to believe we are well into January and the new year. As always, we're busy. I went to the doctor last week thinking my blood pressure was high. I started having a dull tightness in my chest last weekend that totally zapped my energy. It comes and goes. Having been on blood pressure medication for about three years now, that tightness is usually a sign my blood pressure is high. After my doctor's appointment and a thorough workover by the doctor, he's sending me to a cardiologist for a stress test. My appointment is Monday at 9:15. I'm sure it's only stress, and the doctor agrees. He feels it will go away on its own, and he prescribed me a week of breakfast in bed. (ha.) He also sent me for additional bloodwork and wants to see me again in two weeks.

Our house is coming along nicely. We are officially back in our bedroom! It's beautiful really...but I'm not finished decorating in there yet, so I'm not QUITE ready to post pictures yet. But, I'm extremely happy with the way it has turned out. The dining room (hopefully baby's room one day) is in progress now. We bumped our IVF up to May. I'm still trying to get excited about it. I hear so many wonderful adoption stories, and it makes me wonder if we're just wasting our time trying IVF again. There is a part of me that wants to let go of the idea that IVF could actually work for us. But there is another part of me that knows all it takes is one good egg, our insurance covers it, so why not try.

I'm still reading up on embryo donation and found a neat website called Miracles in Waiting. They sell ads to embryo recipient hopefuls for couples with extra embryos to see. They basically cut out the adoption process and fees all together, leaving the two couples to make their own arrangements and agreement. I e-mailed the site administrator to see if I would get an actual response from someone and immediately received a response from her with a link showing some of their latest profiles. Much of their site is for "members only," so I haven't been able to tell much about the content. I've also talked to my RE about my clinic's policy on accepting embryos from another clinic. He said as long as the donor couple has undergone the same round of testing for infectious diseases that my clinic requires, they would have no problem at all accepting the embryos for my transfer. If I could just find a couple looking to donate!!! Right now, that's where I'm at. My clinic says they rarely have couples wanting to donate their extra embryos, but that they have a waiting list for couples like us. But, that's as far as I ever get. It's so hard to believe that there aren't couples out there paying astronomical storage fees for their extra embryos to remain frozen in time that don't desire to help out another couple who are going through the same grieving process as they once went through, as well as giving their sweet embies they worked so hard for to have a chance at life.

In closing this post, I want to share a sentence from a paper on Respect that J wrote last week in his English class. His teacher was thoughtful enough to e-mail it to me.

"I respect my parents -- all three of them. I have really lucked out. I have the most kind and loving step-mom."

My life is so tiring sometimes, but that makes it all worth it.