"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Thanks and No Thanks

My, how time flies! It is hard to believe we are about to enter April. Last week held the first day of Spring, my favorite season. My white iris is blooming. The daffodils lived a short, but beautiful life this year as they lined both sides of my driveway. It's amazing how much I take for granted, even though I constantly try not to. As I write this, I'm in bed with a good cup of coffee, my Bible and devotional on my left side, my newest editions of Family Circle, Better Homes and Gardens, and STAR magazines to my right, and one of the two laptops I own in my lap. I'm planning to stay in this spot until forced to get up and face household chores of sweeping and mopping all of my floors today. For someone with no carpet, floors are quite the task. But what about people who have no floors? No coffee? No food? No books? No Bible? No bed? No home? Being from a small and sheltered community, I'm not fully able to wrap my mind around most of these circumstances, so I have to purposely make the effort to remind myself of how desolate the world truly is outside my window. There are days when I am guilty of not being thankful enough.
Speaking of giving thanks, one blog in particular my cousin recently suggested is one that helps remind me how thoughtless, careless, and thankless the human race can be when it comes to being wasteful. The blog is entitled Frugan Living, and shocked and amazed I was when I first began reading and realizing how much people throw away. The girl who writes the blog does the bulk of her shopping from local dumpsters. She goes out periodically and gathers everything from food to books to gadgets to shoes. She takes pictures of the meals she prepares too, which I am a fan of. It has opened my eyes and has made me more aware of the items I throw so frivolously into the garbage.

So, baby news. There is none. And the hole in my soul is still there. What else can I say? I know that one day I will be able to look back on where I am today and realize the path God had planned for me all along, but right now, I'm not able to be thankful for the hole. Until I'm a Mom, there is no other way to describe it. That hole is deep and dark and scary, and the tears I sometimes shed are because of that hole. The tears erupt hard, heavy, and quickly before I even have time to realize I'm crying, like a volcano. It's a cry that's new to me. The tears feel like they come from a deeper place. It feels different.

Even though I try not to, I love looking at babies. It's a bitter-sweet love, but it's a love. Keith and I were out to eat one night last week, and there were not only one set of twin girls in the restaurant, but TWO sets of twin girls. I told Keith it must be a twin reunion. Of course, there was the initial sting. But then came hope. And then came my fajitas. Ha.
I found this poem somewhere a year or so ago, and I read it often. It is another reminder on how thankful I should always be on a daily basis, never forgetting to be thankful, even for the small stuff.

Today upon a bus I saw a lovely girl with golden hair,
I envied her, she seemed so gay and I wished I were so fair;
When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg, and wore a crutch, and as she passed - a smile.
O God, forgive me when I whine.
I have to legs. The world is mine.
And then I stopped to buy some sweets.
The lad who sold them had such charm,
I talked to him - he seemed so glad -
If I were late, 'twould do no harm.
And as I left he said to me, "I thank you. You have been so kind,
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said "I'm blind."
O God forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes. The world is mine.
Later, walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue,
He stood and watched the others play;
It seemed he knew not what to do.
I stopped a moment, then I said: "Why don't you join the others, dear?"
He looked ahead without a word, and then I knew - he could not hear.
O God forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears. The world is mine.
With legs to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow -
With ears to hear what I would know.
O God, forgive me when I whine.
I'm blessed indeed. The world is mine.
-Author Unknown

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I Love Lemonade.

I love awards! I really love unexpected ones. My new blogging friend, Deni, awarded me the "Making Lemonade out of Lemons" Blog award. I so love that!

The rules for this award:

-Put the lemonade logo within your post or on your blog.

-Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude and gratitude.

-Link the nominees within your post.

-Let the nominees know they've received the award by commenting on their blog.

-Share the love and link to the person from whom you received the award.

Since I am still new to the blog world, I'm going to hold off on my nominations. I have a handful of favorites that I keep up with on a daily basis, but I'm not familiar with 10 blogs yet. But, I'm definitely going to reserve my nominating rights for the future!

Now time to share the love! I hope you will visit Deni's website Making Our Troxclair Family. She has such a sweet and positive spirit, and it's contagious. She is a courageous and strong lady who is a true inspiration to me. Her posts always make me smile.
Speaking of making lemonade out of lemons, I try. We continue tossing our lemons around juicing them as fast as we can. However, our progress in Babyland is slow these days. One step at a time, I guess, but I'm frustrated. You'd think I must have a lemon tree in my backyard with all of these lemons. Just about the time I think we may be one step ahead and on our way to a resolution, I look around and realize we've taken two steps back and haven't made any progress whatsoever. I've got to stop trying so hard to make life happen. I get so wound up in working on getting to where I want to be that I forget where I am. I'm turning 34 years old in a few days. I don't want to wake up one day in the near future and realize I've forgotten how to live and enjoy my life. As Mom said to me today, she just wants me to enjoy the blooming flowers and trees of springtime, not be stirred up about something everyday. Amen to that. I love spring. It goes great with lemonade.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I've been home from work sick with flu-like symptoms for the past two days. I also have a terrible toothache. I've definitely watched my share of Housewives of Every County while I've been home. Those women have no idea. Enough said about them.

This past weekend was a different kind of weekend for us. We were informed by my stepson's mother that he's been having some problems at school. His grades are shabby. He was caught damaging school property, and to make matters worse, he lied about it. He's 12, and Keith swears it's just a boy thing. A puberty and hormonal type thing boys go through at that age.

All of this is new to me. I didn't have any brothers (or sisters) growing up. I certainly never got into any trouble. And the truth is, I have no experience with discipline. It would be helpful if kids sprouted a handbook of sorts once they reach that difficult age. Lucky for me, the responsibility of disciplining him solely falls on Keith. I'm just taking notes.

We've reached some decisions on our next baby steps, and as difficult as it is for me not to blurt everything out, I'm going to resist sharing too much information at this point. I will be sharing more details as our plans begin to materialize. Please keep us in your prayers!