"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Friday, April 16, 2010

Amy the Hermit

I avoid certain social situations like the plague. I've never been a social butterfly, but purposeful and intentional avoiding is something I do alot of lately. Baby showers are a given. I banned those from my life several years ago and can't even remember the last one I attended. This could explain why I can't remember the last baby shower I was invited to.

I was invited by my father to Easter lunch at my aunt's house a couple of weekends ago. I've never been close to my father's side of the family. My initial response to his invitation would have normally been a pacifying "I'll try." I guess he thought I may come because there were going to be, in his words, "plenty of new babies there to hold." Little did he know, there was no better way of making sure I didn't attend. Knowing that the women on that side of the family have been multiplying like rabbits lately, I had absolutely no desire whatsoever to go. Why should I put myself through unnecessary pain, disappointment, and frustration; all for the sake of putting on a fake smile and pretending to oooo and ahhhh over the new bundles of joy that once again do not belong to me? The old me would've gone anyway. The old me would've felt guilty, selfish, and self-centered for saying no. The old me would have done my very best to please. The old me would've went and smiled the whole time. But, the new me said "I'm just not able to deal with that right now." I know Dad feels sorry for me, but that's about as deep as it goes. He doesn't know what to say. And that's ok.

The question I was asked multiple times this past week.......

"So.... do you have any children???"

What a terrible way to start a conversation with me, a great way to make my skin crawl, and a guaranteed way to make me want to disappear.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Life and such....

Easter has come and gone. The year is flying by on the wind. Wasn't it just Christmas? Along with the blooming buds of spring come the blooming bellies of pregnant women everywhere I turn. I am hyper-sensitive when it comes to spotting baby bumps.

I'm starting a new position at my company next week. I'm excited about the change because I've become bored with alot of my current job duties. And the change of scenery will be nice. I packed up three boxes of stuff today before leaving. It's crazy how much junk I acquire at my home away from home. I had enough instant oatmeal stashed away in a drawer to feed a crowd of twenty or so. I found so many different scents of lotion that I could use a different scent each day. I packed up one box of stuff to bring home to put in a garage sale. I'm thinking of having one around the first of May before it gets too hot.

A few of the other items I packed today: Christmas decorations, Halloween decorations, green tea, hazelnut coffee creamer, a book called "365 Inspirational Thoughts for Breaktime," three This Old House magazines, five vases, two fleece blankets, and two sweaters. This list could go on and on.

Now for some randomness......

-Why does Maggie like to lie down on the hardwood floors occasionally, but 3 year old Molly has never once done that?

-I love Facebook......I love all 238 of my Facebook friends. I feel like I get a small glimpse of what's going on in each of their lives. Why does it take something like Facebook to keep in touch?

-No matter how closely I follow her recipe, the food I prepare will never taste as good as it does when Mom cooks it.

-Keith and I talk alot about places we'd like to go on vacation. But, when it comes down to actually planning a trip, neither one of us like the thought of being far away from home.

-I don't watch alot of TV, but there are several shows that have captured my attention lately. Pawn Stars, American Pickers, Billy the Exterminator, and Undercover Boss are some of my favorites.

-MercyMe performed at our local municipal auditorium back in February. Actually, the concert was the week of my Beta after our January IVF. I had hoped the concert would be a celebration finale to our long two months, but instead it was a celebration of our endurance and ability to smile, even after our dream of a baby was not going to be a reality just yet. That night was the first time I've ever seen Keith touched to tears by a song. And I will never forget it.