Post-Transfer Day #12, February 9, 2010

Dr. Saleh's phone call came at roughly 11:00 AM this morning while I was sitting at my desk at work. It wasn't the news we had so hopefully hoped for, but it was news I somewhat expected.

We are all disappointed. Hollow would be the best way to describe how I've felt up until this evening. I had work to keep me busy during the day, and my co-workers were so kind to me. They kept me laughing and positive all afternoon, and it's a blessing I didn't completely lose it and have to be wheeled out of the building after Dr. Saleh's phone call. But tonight, there are no shots to take or pills to remember, and no protocol to even type in my introduction of this post. And it seems official. Buried underneath all of the positive thoughts and optimism, there is a place I don't like to go or even admit exists: I am sad.

This is by no means the end of the road for us. We will try again. Dr. Saleh suggested I give my body a rest at least until May. And this is what we'll do. Keith and I have alot to talk and think about. We talked briefly about the day over dinner and what we should do next. We have a few options.....trying the very same protocol again, using donor eggs, or moving on to adoption. The answers will come with time over the next few months. The challenge is always trying to hear God's voice in our decision making.

I'm watching Little People on TLC. I love the show, but I usually forget to watch it because I forget what night it comes on. The couple is wanting to start a family but because of their dwarfism, they are considering surrogacy. In this episode, they are in Beverly Hills at a fertility clinic to see if Jen has any eggs to harvest. I am actually struggling to focus on writing my blog post tonight because I am so into this show. I relate so much with their struggle, and they are such a positive and inspirational couple despite their physical obstacles that they seem to have successfully overcome.

I haven't decided if I will continue the blog or not. I enjoy writing. It's a comfort to me, even though I'm not that good at it, but I'm sure my day-to-day life is surely to be a complete bore to most.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. The sun will come up. And we will survive. God will not give me more than I can handle. And we have so many things to be thankful for. I have the best husband in the world. I have the best network of supportive family and friends. We are all healthy, have food on the table each day, jobs to pay our bills, a roof over our heads, and God loving us. What more could we possibly need?

A baby would be nice. :)