Annoying

December is definitely here and in full force! I'm trying to make sense of my calendar because almost every single little block is booked with something. With all of our going and doing, it's hard to not get wrapped up in the hooplah and forget the most important reason we celebrate this month. I love December. I love everything about it.....the excitement, the chaos, the songs, the cheer, the food, the parties, the shopping, and of course, Santa.

With the second nine weeks of school rapidly coming to an end soon, we are hoping and praying for grades that won't nauseate us. We're not seeing the good grades we saw the first nine weeks of school from J. He's so easily distracted. Keeping him interested and focused is just impossible at times. Thanks to some advice from a friend and the wonderful internet, K and I decided to take J for some cognitive testing that will test for all sorts of learning weaknesses and hopefully will give us some insight on how to help J. J's forgetfulness and lack of focus makes it seem he's being lazy or doesn't really care. And at first, we weren't sure. But over time, it's become very clear to his father and I that something is wrong. We're hopeful whatever it is can be corrected easily without him having to take medication. His test is this coming Saturday at 10:00 AM. He is to arrive rested and fresh, so that's why we decided to take him on a Saturday morning. The test will take approximately two hours and test on about twenty or so different learning areas.

It is apparent after last week that J has officially got to me. He asked me earlier in the week if we could give his "girl friend" a ride to church youth group Wednesday night. I didn't have a problem with it and simply asked him to have her mother message me saying it was okay. K and I routinely check J's phone and monitor his incoming and outgoing text messages. How I wish I hadn't seen the message he sent that read "my annoying step-mom wants your mom to send a stupid message to her saying it's okay if we come pick you up! Aaaahhhhhh....that's so stupid! She's so annoying!" I was devastated. My heart was crushed. I immediately tried to shake it off. He's a teenager. So, why did it hurt so bad? The tears began to flow. There I was.....standing at the kitchen pantry frantically trying to focus on the cereal, the pasta, the rice....oh yum, how about some cocoa....anything to stop the tears. When I cry, my face and eyes get red and swollen, and there is no hiding it. K felt so sorry for me. I begged him to forget about it and move on, but he didn't. He told J we read the message and that it devastated me. It was the first time J has ever seen me cry. He apologized, of course, and admitted he was frustrated with me at the time. Of course, I forgave him. It still hurts to think about it. I guess it's never occurred to me that I could be annoying to him. And in most text messages he sends to his friends, he calls me "his mom." One of my friends made me feel better after I told her my story. She said her son's ringtone for when she calls him is a barking dog. Yikes. I guess being called annoying isn't so bad. I must be doing something right.